The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
