he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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