Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
