he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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