toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
