The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
