Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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