And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I want her autograph on my taint
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
