i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
