some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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