lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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