umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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