so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
