yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
