My liver just broke up with me...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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