from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My bed smells like the plague
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
