im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
