so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
