Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
