no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
