Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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