mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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