and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
