So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
