can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
