Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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