Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
