Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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