Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
