how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
