just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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