ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
