farters have to be the big spoon...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
