i permit you to call me
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
