in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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