Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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