I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
