You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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