i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
