I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
