she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
