my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
