I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
