Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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