In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
be right there i have to get my cape
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
