you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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