Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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