i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
