the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Michael Bay diarrhea
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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