I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
