i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
