So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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