No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
