He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
